Learning Learning Learning

We've been here almost 3 weeks and it seems like only a few days. I feel like I've learned so much, about myself, about God, about the human condition.  We're also getting pretty decent at learning some new Thai words--I can even ask someone what they like to do now and order food on my own.  It's been a challenging couple weeks for most of us here, but so far, it's been awesome to see the way our students have responded to hard things. We're in a place that is totally unfamiliar, where we have no control and are forced to depend on someone else. It's been a highlight for me to watch the girls interact with new Thai freshmen, as they're forced out of a comfort zone and into a place where they have to trust God.  They really are learning to be intentional with their lives, to go on campus when they don't want to, to ask someone they don't know one more question, and to keep a vision before them--that God is redeeming sinners and we get to be part of it.  We're all learning more about the selfishness in out hearts--that we love control and getting to do whatever we want, whenever we want. It's been difficult for those things to be exposed, but has resulted in praise to Jesus for loving us in our sin.  The language barrier has been more difficult that I think we all anticipated, only in that we don't have control, conversations can only go so far, and they don't give immediate reward.  I think that's been biggest question we've asked ourselves--do I love people because of what they can give me, or do I love them because God does?  Not in the sense that they can give us gifts, or be nice or kind back, but in that sense that you get affirmation from others when you get to know them.  In the states, we can, in some way, feel like we get something back from having a good conversation with someone, like you've been able to help someone, or give them wisdom, or that they like your personality.  But here, you don't get immediate affirmation, or reward because the conversation can only go so far. So I've asked myself, why I do I love people? It's been challenging to my soul to figure that out and I've come away thanking God so much more for Christ. That he would die to for me, knowing that in some ways I love people for me, not for them, and not for God. That he would redeem someone who doesn't deserve him and cause me to follow him, even though everything in me wants to rebel and live for myself. What a sweet thing I'm learning about the character of God--that I am precious to Him in spite of me.